?

Log in

No account? Create an account

lucifers_toy

[merlin] we are the lucky ones

« previous entry | next entry »
Sep. 16th, 2010 | 12:29 am

title: we are the lucky ones
fandom: merlin
pairing: merlin/arthur
rating: r
spoilers: none
wordcount: 690
summary: written for the summerpornathon but i stupidly didn't get to post it on time. for the challenge of 'solo sex'



Arthur’s father has always been a stern presence in the corner of Arthur’s eye. For as long as he can remember, his father has been a wan, tall figure watching over him, watching out for him.

Watching him.

In the dark of night, Arthur thinks that he looks like a wraith, all clean lines and paleness, no warmth or expression beyond foreboding disapproval.

It’s not an easy life, he knows. He’s seen the photos, of his father with his mother. Seen a young Uther cradling a blonde woman, the two smiling and laughing, a priest and his wife. He traces the smile on his father’s face and marvels that stone muscles once curved like that. Because now, now Uther’s face is frozen into deep unhappiness, deep regret, and it is Arthur’s greatest fear that his, too, will collapse into constant unhappiness.

He tries as hard as he can to smile, to smile against guilt and sadness that he is much too young to bear. Guilt, for he sins, for he causes so much pain, for his murder—the murder of his own mother. Guilt, that he caused her death and destroyed any chance of joy for his father. And sadness, because everything is so tight, so bleached of colour, in his life and in his father’s, like any ghost of brightness has been eradicated without mercy.

The only brightness in his life comes from Merlin, his foolish friend, with his smile that cleaves his face in two. When they are together, smiling comes easier to Arthur, and he can feel something like warmth unfurling in his breastbone.

They spend too much time together. Too much time, in dark parks, in bedrooms with the door shut tightly, in the back of cinemas. They spend too much time staring at each other, tracing beloved features with hungry eyes and painting phantom pleasure across their skin. They trace each other’s lips, fingers, necks, all without touching, until want is so thick and heavy between them that Arthur can taste it in the back of his throat, choking him.

And so it comes to this. This, the two of them sitting on a bed, messy and untidy, in a room with darkness a coat around them both. They aren’t touching, like they never do, but their breath is coming fast. Merlin’s hands are shaking as he unbuttons his shirt, his long white fingers pushing tiny plastic through tinier holes. The coarse material spills off slender shoulders, baring fishbelly-white skin, and Arthur gasps, his hands twitching until he deliberately stills them.

Merlin closes his eyes, red flooding his cheeks until they look as though they’re burning, the blood twining down his neck and across his chest. He slowly drags his hands down, stroking across his nipples and making him gasp, and presses the palm of his hand against his cock, a hard lump beneath his cheap jeans.

“Arthur,” he gasps, and Arthur chokes.

“Go on,” Arthur says, unwillingly, and cannot tear his eyes away when Merlin eases down his fly, the sounds of the zipper loud in the taut silence.

Merlin pulls his cock out, long and red, already wet at the head. He opens his eyes again as he starts to stroke, and the blackness of them startles Arthur. Merlin’s curling forward now, pressing his spare hand into the bedding. He looks at Arthur pleadingly. “Arthur, please. Please touch me,”

Arthur bites his lip. Looks away. Feels guilt and desire crawling up the back of his throat, easing black and viscous into his veins. “I can’t. I can’t.”

Looking away, Merlin nods, resigned and unsurprised. His rhythm falters, and he almost stops, but a pained noise from Arthur makes him start up again, determined. He forces himself on until pleasure is choking shocked gasps from him, and he can’t stop now, he can’t, not with fire burning him up and Arthur’s gaze so fucking heavy on him.

When he comes, he collapses onto his bed, eyes clenched tight and listening for the slam of the door. Instead, he hears heavy breathing, wet around the edges, and then smiles to himself when he feels a tentative weight on his shoulder.

Link | Leave a comment |

Comments {5}

HermitKnut

(no subject)

from: hermitknut
date: Sep. 15th, 2010 04:36 pm (UTC)
Link

This is really dark and powerful. Lovely work!
HK

Reply | Thread

lucifers_toy

(no subject)

from: lucifers_toy
date: Sep. 15th, 2010 11:17 pm (UTC)
Link

Thank you!

Reply | Parent | Thread

archaeologist_d

(no subject)

from: archaeologist_d
date: Sep. 15th, 2010 09:29 pm (UTC)
Link

Lovely. I really liked the rich texture of it, all that want and lust and guilt. Loved the ending.

Reply | Thread

lucifers_toy

(no subject)

from: lucifers_toy
date: Sep. 15th, 2010 11:17 pm (UTC)
Link

Thank you very much!

Reply | Parent | Thread

brunettepet

(no subject)

from: brunettepet
date: Sep. 16th, 2010 06:52 pm (UTC)
Link

Arthur's description of Uther and the guilt he bears for making him this empty man is unbearably sad. It's a guilt that seems to bleed into everything, including this relationship with Merlin.

I'm glad you ended with a bit of hope. At least this time Arthur hasn't run off. This time he's finally touching Merlin. Nicely done.

Reply | Thread